Friday, October 14, 2011

Major Problems

by Thor


                Have you ever had a friend or a loved one come and tell you they are changing their collegiate major? If so, what was your reaction to that information? Did you say something like, “Oh, couldn’t make the grades, huh”? If you answered yes to that last question I would like you to do me a favor. Go down to your local sex shop and purchase the largest dildo they have, one of those novelty 3 footers. Take it home and lube that thing up real good with some high quality kerosene. Then light it on fire and shove it straight up your ass. Be sure to film it, because I want to see this happen to one of you fuckers. I want you to hand deliver the tape to me too so I can personally ask you what the hell goes through your mind right before you say something so ridiculously thoughtless. Is it that you want to turn all your friends against you? Is it a ploy to get as many hits out on you as possible? Is it really worth that to be in the Guinness book of world records? Maybe it’s just that you learned your social tact at the Herman Cain academy for the future cock whistlers of America.

 It’s your fault you’re a 6th year senior!

I realize you may not agree with the decision the person is making, but this one they most likely put a lot of time and thought behind. They are definitely nervous about the change and hoping they made a good decision. When you say something that completely undermines a decision of this magnitude, it makes people want to shove an entire dead armadillo in your peehole and watch the infection take root. If you are worried about the person, don’t be, they are in college and can make decisions like the grown ass adult they are. They need support not criticism, especially if they have a Jewish mother, they have met other people worrying about their quota for the rest of eternity. If they are already second guessing the decision,  you piping in is not going to help anything. Leave them alone.

                The worst thing that could happen is they will lose some time and money, which, in this situation, is going to happen either way. It’s worth the peace of mind. If they at least try the other major they will know which major they want to stick with, which for some reason is kind of important to some people. It’s not like the degree you get will affect the rest of your adult life.
My degree is in astrophysics but my passion is in the low quality food industry.

They are considering how it will affect the rest of their life. They aren’t just thinking “damn, that calculus test was tough. Fuck it, I’m changing my major”. They are trying to find a balance between money and what they really enjoy doing. If they change their major to something causing the balance to shift one way or the other, that just shows where their priorities lie. If you don’t like it then mind your own damn business, because those are their priorities, not yours.

                Another thing - obviously the field of study the person is changing to means something to them. When you throw out the assumption that they are changing because their skull is too full of diaper entrails to hack it in their previous major courses it makes people start reaching for their emergency dickwad armadillo. If you don’t want your friends to think you think they are as stupid as they think you are then shut the fuck up.

                So what have we learned? If you don’t want a flaming three foot rod in your ass, or a dead salmonella infested armadillo in your pisser show some support to people changing their majors. They are stressed enough.

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